A Word on the Birds.

We love our birds … really … in fact when hubby goes out in the yard, they run around at his feet and follow him singing. He has to physically push them out of the way with his hands sometimes to get to what he is doing. I tell him if he would just put on a long blue dress he would be in a disney movie …it is either that OR he resembles a cow and they all have a secret longing to be cattle egrets…. not sure .. hmmm….

Birds are alot like us.

I have already told you about my Muslim Magpie that regularly prostrates himself on the ground in deep and profound communion with the bird Gods …. always in the same direction … I am pretty sure he is a terrorist ... he has shifty eyes ....

We also have the drug addicts - the ones that eat the berries from the tobacco tree - I swear their voices are getting raspier and they are looking rather yellow these days … they come out more and more … for just another little "fix." They are close rivals to the ADHD birds whose parents are to blame .. you know they let them eat all that sugar from the mulberry trees …. so they eat and go crazy flying all over willy nilly in circles around the other birds. But those birds in the tobacco tree ... I saw them picking up used berries out of the gutter ... and they hang around trying to bum berries off the other birds ... You know they should just go hang out with the cold turkeys and kick the habit ... eat a better diet - some granola ... and they will be fine ....

Then we have the gang called "the plovers" they hang out on street corners and wait for unsuspecting joggers to come by and then attack. I have seen them run along the ground, hiding, just to get behind someone so they can then fly up and over them, dive bombing them and slicing open their heads …. they need to get some meaningful work .. or some kind of art project might help ... but like most "gangs" they bring it all on themselves. If they could just move up in the world - like to the trees instead of laying their eggs on the ground - perhaps their outlook might improve.

The MoTab choir shows up several times a day by way of the Butcher Birds. It may sound like singing but I am pretty sure there is brainwashing in there. They are also into Cirque de Soleil and do all kind or ariel twists and turns if there happens to be bits of meat flying through the air anywhere near them … ian't that just like the gays??

Maggie - the other magpie knocks on the door to ask if I can come out and play oh and BTW could I bring some more of that tasty bread with me?? And then she plays gobbelty guts, stuffs as many pieces as she can in her beak and runs at break neck speed along the ground looking for somewhere to hide them for later on …. and hurries back for more. I think she is probably cheating the system too ... come on you can't be that sneaky and not be up to something ...

Then we have retardo the Kookaburra who has a purely physical relationship with a statue of intertwined lovers that hangs on my garden wall ….no matter how many times we have lectured him on interbreeding of the species … it matters not … the heart wants what the heart wants … He also has taken to knocking violently on our windows … I think he read to much into the chapter on persistance in the book "The friendly art of Persuasion." We haven't fed him or responded for over a year and a half … oh wait a minute .. He is probably a teenager … that would explain some of the insanity …. damn kids today ....

The crows think they are sneaky and can outsmart them but they don't control our lives ….we get into our swat team gear, shanghai in hand and head out sneaking through the grass. Who knew Macadamia nuts were such effective ammo? I don't mind so much but they have that smarmy taunting attitude in their voice when they talk about us in the other tree … and I don't like it …. some birds deserve all they get .. cause .. I just don't like them ...

The Ibis is obviously slow … you chase it away and the moment you think about turning back and going into the house it has turned and is strolling back .. It is either slow or they are somehow related to the goldfish in the memory department. Perhpas it has Alzheimers ... in which case ... for their own good .. we should have them euthenized....

The lorakeets are cute cute cute but noisy noisy noisy. Typical mindless females ... on and on about nothing important ....


Funny thing is ... they all seem to just sing every day and let each other be .... All of this ... is just my conjecture of what is going on ... doesn't phase the birds one bit. At no point do they stop being .. birds ... what a concept.